I want to talk to you about what if everything that happened in your life was meant to be? What if there was no mistake? What if the pain, the suffering, the struggles, whatever you went through in your life was not an accident…was not a mistake…was not a punishment from God or life. It exactly was what’s meant to be.
What would that change in your life and your experience, if you knew that, whatever you’ve gone through, it was not vain.
That all that was part of your destiny, your experience of life.
Because, you know, I’ve gone through quite a deal of suffering in my life. I didn’t have a very easy life. And still, I know that happiness, peace and joy are not only available and possible, but they are beyond what we’ve been taught, and what we can imagine that it is. So I really feel I want to talk to you about that.
And I will start by sharing a bit of my experience so that you can understand where I’m coming from. If you listen to several of the other podcast episodes that I made, you probably heard that the beginning of my path and my change in life was that I lost my son in 2001, in five days, very abruptly. He died from what doctors thought could be a meningitis. But what I think is vaccines, because I did his vaccines just before.
At the very beginning. It was, I could not see that this way. I didn’t have this awareness. I wasn’t the way I am today. My son actually changed me. His death changed me and made me who I am today. It’s because of him dying that I started to pay attention to my inner voice. I didn’t even know I had one before. It’s because I knew then how precious life is and that it can be taken away in any moment… and I started to live my life in a very meaningful way. I started to want to live my dreams instead of putting them aside.
And I couldn’t live a life like everybody was doing. I wanted something more. I wasn’t like that before. Before I was just going with what I had been told what life was about. And after the death of my son, that was not enough anymore. That made no sense anymore. I was asking myself deep questions that I didn’t consciously ask myself before.
I know when I was a teenager wondering what life was all about…why was I in that family? Why was my life so difficult? Why I didn’t have a better life? Why my parents were fighting all the time… I was feeling very alone and sometimes even wanted to die when I was a teenager. But I wasn’t constantly consciously asking these questions that now the death of my son had revealed to me. I was wondering, life cannot be just about, you know, being born, going to school, growing, then going to university, finding a job, meeting someone, having kids, working and then die…there must be something more to life. I was wondering who I really was, I had a total loss of identity. I didn’t know who I was because my son was not there..because I wasn’t a mother anymore. And it shook my whole identity and my whole world. And I was wondering who I am, if I’m not a mother?
And I don’t know what it is to be a woman…who am I then?
And this question lit up a fire in me…a failure to understand what this life was about. And that’s what actually started my whole spiritual journey. I wouldn’t be talking about what I talk about to you right now, if my son didn’t die.
So it’s many years now that my experience is really that we both gave birth to each other. I gave birth to him, and it was my greatest joy. And by him dying, he gave birth to the woman I am today. I wouldn’t be who I am today if he didn’t die. I wouldn’t understand suffering the way I do today if he didn’t die…I wouldn’t have most likely been in touch with the abuse I went through when I was a little girl that my brain and shut off because it was too painful to face back then…and that it was the only way for me to survive back then.
If he didn’t die, I wouldn’t have the chance to free myself from that and to learn and understand why I was constantly repeating the same kind of relationships and experiences with men. Without that I wouldn’t have faced the suffering of my childhood and having parents fighting all the time, having very little money…Anybody coming to me through the pain and suffering that they might encounter in their life. I wouldn’t understand it. Because I didn’t know how painful it hadn’t been for me. I had become a master in being strong, independent and mastering my life. I was succeeding in everything I had started from being a little girl.
And I didn’t know there was any pain in me.
My son revealed to me the depth of pain and suffering I went through since I was born. And it freed me from having to repeat over and over again, the same behaviors, the same pain, the same suffering, and to shut myself down from the potential and from everything I felt in me was there…But I couldn’t live.
My son dying, although I wouldn’t want to ask to go through that again, was actually a blessing. It woke me up.
It woke me up to who I am today. It gave me the opportunity to be the one speaking in this mind today, and maybe inspire you… and maybe offer you a new perspective on your life and your suffering – maybe offering you a new possibility for what’s coming from now. So, I only have gratitude for my son and how he led me to discover who I am. There’ve been many other sufferings and many other painful things I went through in my life. And that too, if I didn’t live that I wouldn’t understand suffering the way I do today, I wouldn’t have been able to help so many women and men that have been sexually abused in their life, to actually overcome it, and live again…and not repeat what they’ve been through, over and over again. I wouldn’t be able to understand that we have limiting beliefs about money and that the way we grow up is actually shaping the way we will think about money, and how we live in scarcity and how scary it can be to actually become successful when you have a family that’s been living totally differently before.
I wouldn’t understand the loyalty we can have with our parents or family. Because even though it was not maybe amazing to live this life with them, it was what we knew. And they made sure they did the best they could with what they received themselves. So what if there was a way for you right now to completely forgive everyone? everything in your life? And to start living who you are right now? What if forgiveness of them, of any situation, was the way for you to be free from repeating the past again, and start living who you are today. That would mean that everything that happened in your life had a reason to be there and was meant to be. That would mean that whatever is your weakest point today, or your deepest struggle today, if you look at it from a different point of view…it might be your greatest asset, your greatest strength.
And that if you start to look at what it does even give you, maybe you will learn a different way of living your life. And also, you will maybe find a new purpose in your life, and maybe even a new mission that you can start a new job. If you could, you can develop from that. So I really would encourage you to look at all that today. And to be very honest, and maybe it will be difficult because you will have to face some things that maybe until now you didn’t want to look at… but that freedom that you’re after, it’s a full expression of yourself.
If it’s a happiness, joy, peace that you are after, I think now is the time to look at all of that and free yourself from your past. And then now, you are the amazing person that you are. I also want to say that, another reason why… if you want some logic into why all that happened was meant to be. It’s very simple.
It did happen. The reality of your experience is that all these healing events, all this suffering, all that was painful for you, or joyful, did happen. That’s the reality. Trying to live as if it didn’t happen, resisting the fact that it happened when it already happened, or being angry about the fact that it was there, or still trying to find a way in your mind to try to change what happened in the past, that is actually not possible.
The fact that it happened means that it cannot be changed.
But the way you look at it today can be changed.
And therefore your experience of it in the past cannot change the fact that it happened – that cannot change the fact that it’s part of your reality and who you are today, that cannot change. But as long as you resist it, or are angry at it, or try to avoid looking at it, you will deny yourself a part of yourself that has so much depth and beauty, because you went through that, that you will miss something.
So today, through this podcast, I really want to encourage you to be the fullness of yourself, to allow all the parts of you that you rejected, all the parts of your story that you rejected, to come back into yourself and unify within yourself again. So that you can be the full individual that you are and you can offer the world the beauty that you have within you that you might be missing if you keep rejecting any part of your life.
You are amazing.
You have a wisdom that is within you, that you have to allow to be if you want to live your full potential. If you want to express yourself in the fullest way possible. And if you want to be happy, excited to get up every morning, and joyful as you’ve never been before. Now is the time my friend, and I work hand in hand with you. Because I know these might be tough times. But you don’t have to do that alone. Listen over and over again to this podcast, and feel the support that is given to you to really be you. I love you very much. Just because you’re you, because you’re listening to this podcast, and you therefore have the courage to face things that very few people would. So be proud of yourself. And I’m with you.